I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
