Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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