I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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