so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
