Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
