I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
