just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
