ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
