I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
