Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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