you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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