Have you finally orgasmed yet?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
