Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
