mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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