she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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