I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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