i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
