Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
