I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I can't turn off my feet"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
