I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
