i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
