I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
