the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
