we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
