I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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