Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
