I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
