Umm I'm too high to move.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
