My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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