i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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