found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
