went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
did you just send me my own nude
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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