actually, I'm a sock model
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
