Since when is my name a synonym for head?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
