I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
