You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
