Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
