i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
