and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
