She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
