If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
