why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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