what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
