My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
