She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
