I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
