If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
