I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
