I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
