im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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