But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
people are starting to question the shark bite story
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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