So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
sex in a hospital.. check
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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